Wednesday, January 10, 2018

So yeah...I'm a Hopeless Romantic

I don’t know where you are. Or who you are.
But I swear I know you.
I’ve known you my whole life.
And when I finally find you, I’ll know.
I’ll know because your smile will tell me…
Your eyes will tell me…
There’ll be a moment during our first meeting when I’ll see a flash in your eyes,
You’ll giggle at something I say, or we’ll find out we like the same flavor of ice cream.
We’ll talk about our children and you’ll be impressed at what kind of dad I am. You won’t say it, but I’ll see it in your eyes.
“She gets me,” I’ll think. “She understands my devotion to my daughter, and she appreciates it.”
I’ll tuck that away in my heart.
Or maybe we’ll go for a walk after dinner. Just meandering through the town and it’ll be like talking to a friend. Especially when we talk about our Faith, and about Jesus and what He has meant to us both. And I’ll know you’re serious about that, and not just dabbling.
And I’ll tuck that away in my heart too.
There’ll be a moment when I touch you. It won’t be a big thing, probably just my hand on the small of your back as we step outside and I’m holding the door open for you.
But it will feel like I was meant to touch you.
Like my hand was meant for the small of your back.
Like I was never supposed to touch another woman before this moment.
Maybe you’ll feel it too. Maybe you’ll pull in just a little closer, or take my hand in response. I’ll be cool about it, but inside it will be like the first time I ever held hands.
We’ll be talking about the dinner we just had or what movie we should see or what a nice night it is…
But I’ll be memorizing the way your hand feels in mine. So when we say goodnight, I’ll still feel your hand.
I’ll memorize your dress,
Your hair,
Your smile.
So during the days that follow I can go back to this moment and revel in it,
And ponder it,
And hope for another.
Maybe I’ll kiss you. Maybe that will take a few dates.
But if it’s really you…I won’t mind.
I’ve already kissed the wrong ones. The imposters.
I can wait for the real thing.
Maybe you’ll call me one afternoon, out of the blue, thanking me for the nice evening, and I’ll hear in your voice that you’d love to see me again.
And I’ll be nervous, and I’ll cross my fingers, and whisper a prayer, and ask you if you’d like to get together again.
Maybe you’ll say yes. Maybe you’ll be cool about it but inside you were really hoping I’d ask.
Maybe I’ll circle the date on my calendar, and stare at it all week. It will seem like forever.
Maybe I’ll pick you up this time…because you trust me enough to let me pick you up.
Maybe I’ll knock on your door and you’ll open it and I’ll have to hide the fact that you just stole my breath.
Maybe I’ll have a silly smile playing on my lips just because I’m standing there looking at you.
Maybe I’ll feel my heart racing. Maybe I’ll be too caught up in how beautiful you are to me, that I’ll not notice that you’re smiling too.
Maybe I’ll be saying hello, and making that awkward small talk that lives in the world of new relationships…
But inside I’ll be singing the lyrics to Marc Cohn’s “True Companion” to you.
“…I’ve had this vision of a girl in white. I’ve made my decision and it’s you alright.”
Maybe we’ll have the best second date anyone ever had. And we won’t even remember much about where we went or what we did.
Because we spent the evening talking to each other and laughing and feeling comfortable.
Maybe I’ll kiss you goodnight, and feel like I’m kissing royalty,
Or my future.
Maybe I’ll drive home wondering how this happened. How you happened.
Maybe I’ll crash into my bed that night, and just have to call you and say goodnight one more time. Because I just have to hear your voice again.
Maybe you’ll say “Goodnight” but my heart will hear “I already love you”
Maybe I’ll ask God about you. Are you “the one.”
And maybe He’ll say: “When I made you…when you came into this world, I took a tiny piece of your soul and set it adrift in the world inside another person. Your job all this time was too find her, and in the finding…to find the missing piece of your soul. The piece that you can’t have alone. Because that’s how I made you. Your whole life you’ve been searching for that piece. I’ve helped your search when you’ve asked me to.
Son…your search is over.”
Maybe I’ll fall asleep with tears in my eyes, because even though you’re in another place…I’ve finally found a home.
Maybe.
But first I have to find you…



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